Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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