i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
