Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
