I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
