the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My hand turned me down
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
