Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
