Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
