he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
