shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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