i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
