Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
