You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
