i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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