Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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