The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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