i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
