I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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