Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
