My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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