My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
