the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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