It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
