There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
