you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
