38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
