Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
