I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's rum buckets o'clock
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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