So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
