i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
