she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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