Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
