so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
