this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
