Do you still have your period?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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