Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i think i just lost a toe
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
