My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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