The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I could fuck to npr.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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