i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
