it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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