So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
