sorry about calling you the devil all night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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