Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
