so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
