rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
