i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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