I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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