just come out here and I will go home with you...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
either way he was missing a nipple.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
