He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
