What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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