I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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