Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
