I need help removing her.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
