but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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