I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
