is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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