You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I FOUND THE LEGS
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
that is very illegal...i love you.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
