I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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