I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's rum buckets o'clock
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
