yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
