I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize