so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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