see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
