i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
how does that bad decision feel?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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