my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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