oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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