dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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