On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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