So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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